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Mattea Dallinga (Season 11 Runner Up)
Mattea Dallinga's Score Breakdown
Creativity and Originality (27/30)
Structure and Organization (17/25)
Engagement and Impact (23/25)
Grammar and Spelling (8/10)
Prompt Adherence (9/10)
Overall Score: 84/100
Communication
The story’s emotional intensity comes through clearly, especially in the fast-moving confrontations and the raw fear running under Mian’s memories, and this is particularly noticeable in the scene where she collapses and then suddenly awakens in the grey room, a moment that is compelling but so abrupt that the reader may feel briefly unanchored. The author demonstrates a strong instinct for using dialogue to reveal personality, and many of the exchanges feel authentic and energetic. At the same time, the narrative occasionally stumbles over long sentences or abrupt shifts, which can pull the reader out of the moment.
Creativity
What stands out most is the world that has been created, as Aeloria feels alive from its three suns to its mix of rough street culture and political corruption, and small details like the rule requiring each thief to contribute a loaf of bread give the world a sense of lived-in structure that immediately grounds the reader. The details surrounding the thieves’ warehouse, the food rules, and Mian’s volatile history give the story a sense of grit and lived experience. The core idea of a government hiding experiments is not new, but the way it is tied to Mian’s trauma and the hidden motives of the father-son pair adds a layer of intrigue that feels fresh. The creativity here shines not just in concept but in how the author breathes life into the characters.
Overall Comment
Taken as a whole, this entry shows real storytelling promise. Scenes such as the confrontation with Keshaun demonstrate the author’s ability to blend tension, conflict, and character insight in a way that anchors the reader firmly in the moment. The story features a vivid world and a complex, emotionally scarred protagonist at its center, which is a significant achievement. Attention to technical aspects, including smoothing transitions and refining sentence structure, would further enhance the narrative. Even as it stands, the piece is memorable and driven by genuine feeling, making it a strong contender in this competition.
Writing Challenge
Choose One Prompt and Answer
Heroes persevere and succeed where others fail. But what happens when the hero falls from grace? Write a short story about a fictional hero who turns evil. Be sure to show the moment the hero falls and highlight the reasons for the turn in a way that makes sense to the reader.
Villains are people too. They can have a change of heart just as easily as anyone. Write a short story where the villain decides to turn to the light. Make their motivations for both doing evil and turning away from evil as believable as possible. The more evil the villain, the better.
