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M-Moya (Season 9 Runner Up)
M-Moya's Submission
Final Score Breakdown:
Creativity and Originality: 28/30
Structure and Organisation: 21/25
Engagement and Impact: 22/25
Grammar and Spelling: 5/10
Prompt Adherence: 6/10
Total: 82/100
Very creative style and form, with poetry, fragmented prose, and sci-fi fused together. The six word story theme is fun and unique, and it is clear you’ve paid attention to the way the words sound.
I like how you intentionally (I think!) break writing conventions for effect. That being said, sometimes this is less clear and reads like it is just riddled with grammatical and spelling mistakes. There are areas that are more obviously grammar mistakes, e.g. very inconsistent capitalisation with proper nouns and pronouns, ‘the street were my corridor’ etc. Fun mixing of languages (que? storie etc); this could’ve been utilised even more for maximum effect. ‘They said terra not terror’ is a great line/conflict via linguistic misinterpretation is a great idea.
Overall, the piece is very creative and interesting. However, the piece deviates from the prompt, which asks for a persuasive speech. While Hal is unwillingly selected as a representative, she is thrown into deciphering alien messages instead of negotiating for technological equality. The story does not outline any concrete solutions for intergalactic inequality or preventing war. There were some parts that felt underexplained/like a big jump, e.g. it is unclear why her buildings comment was enough to earn their prestige and respect.
Writing Challenge:
Suppose that humanity has evolved enough to thrive in an intergalactic civilization. Our species has somehow found a way to travel and communicate with each other across intergalactic distances without being affected by time dilation. However, not all planets in our Milky Way Galaxy, which are referred to as the “dumper planets,” have access to these newest cutting-edge technologies. On one hand, the “dumper planets” are plotting to reverse-engineer these technologies without testing them under the supervision of the galaxy’s most skillful scientists and under controlled environments. On the other hand, the Galactic Council has been warned about this situation and is plotting to destroy all the “dumper planets” before these technologies are recreated. Imagine that you live on one of these “dumper planets” and are warned about the incoming intergalactic conflict. You are then selected to represent these planets and are asked to negotiate with the Galactic Council to avoid an intergalactic war. Your challenge is to write a persuasive speech, outlining how the “dumper planets” and the rest of the Milky Way can come to a compromise by allowing all planets to have access to the same cutting-edge technologies. In addition, your speech should propose how technological inequality between planets can be avoided in the future so then intergalactic conflict would not escalate and cause war.
